Your Child Just Told You They're Being Bullied. Do These 5 Things First.

1. Stay calm — your reaction is the message

Your child watched you carefully before deciding to tell you, and they're watching you now. If you explode, they learn that telling you creates chaos. If you panic, they learn their problem is too big for you. If you shrug, they learn it wasn't worth mentioning.

The message to send is simple: "I'm so glad you told me. This is not your fault, and we're going to handle it together." Say those three things almost word for word. They cover the three fears every bullied child carries: that telling was a mistake, that it's somehow their fault, and that they're alone.

2. Listen for facts before you act on feelings

Resist the urge to interrogate or to immediately call the other kid's parents. Instead, ask open questions and write the answers down afterward:

• Who is involved — names, and whether others watched or joined in?
• What exactly happened — words used, actions taken?
• Where and when — which class, hallway, bus, game, or app?
• How often — first time, or a pattern?
• Has anyone else seen it — friends, teachers, screenshots?

Two things to avoid: don't promise you'll keep it secret (you may need to involve the school), and don't coach your child to hit back — retaliation routinely turns victims into "mutual combatants" in a school's eyes.

3. Start a record that same day

This is the step most parents skip, and the one that matters most later. Memory fades and blurs; a written record with dates does not. Note the date, what happened, who was involved, and any evidence — screenshots, photos of damaged property, names of witnesses.

This is exactly what the Bullying Buddy app was built for: your child can press the Emergency Bullying Button to record an incident with audio and video as it happens, and file reports with photos and videos through the Reporting Station — tagged to their school and to the type of bullying involved. For the full method, see our guide to documenting bullying.

4. Contact the school — in writing

A hallway chat with a teacher is easy to forget; an email creates an obligation. Write to the teacher and copy the principal or counselor. Keep it factual and specific: what happened, when, who was involved, and what you're asking the school to do. Ask two questions that focus attention wonderfully:

• "What is the school's anti-bullying policy, and can you send me a copy?"
• "What specific steps will be taken, and when should I expect to hear back?"

Then follow up on the date they give you. Schools respond to persistence that is polite, documented, and relentless.

5. Rebuild the ground under their feet

While the process plays out, your child needs two things: safety and normalcy. Work out practical adjustments — a different bus seat, a buddy for the hallway, adult supervision at hot spots. Then invest in the world outside the bullying: the sport, the cousin, the youth group, the place where they're liked and good at things. Bullying shrinks a child's world; your job is to keep the rest of it big.

And watch for the signs that this needs more than a school process — talk of self-harm, refusal to attend school, changes in eating or sleeping. If you see them, involve your pediatrician or a counselor immediately. If your child ever talks about suicide, call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) right away.